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About Photography / Hobbyist ..25/Female/Canada Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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an existential crisis,
the meaning of what life is;
my advice is, not to mask it with your vices
but to realize that what you have is priceless
and that you /are/ able to fight this
because the human mind is
an extraordinary machine
you just need to believe
(trust me)
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if i had a way to hypothesize the meaning of life i could perhaps define it with the laws of science but the problem of sentience is its shifting paradigms and the answers i require aren't often in a language i can transcribe
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demons and diamonds
foresight comes with a fear of the future and often the what-could-be outweighs my confidence in me but i’ve learned that the ceiling of my expectation is the lowest latitude of possibility and if i can feel it, it will be
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me :iconjanetpants:janetpants 0 1
i know
imagine reality as an erratically revolving series of doorways that close only once you've passed through, the potentials of that second sealed and construed; what if, for one heartbeat, a path became visible between them and forward from you, forming a momentary synchronization of now and new - tell me, if you could see and shape the future, would you?
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in a world where dominance wins it is a sin to submit but to commit to a lifetime of spite and crime weighs heavy on the mind and i hypothesize that inside of everyone is one thin line, one seed of hope connecting all of mankind, and maybe the only way to find it is to be invoked 
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blinded by science
at last
we are approaching the apex of greatness
this past century, a lesson in success
i think of the progress i’ve witnessed -
in a fast paced universe
only the fittest are allowed to persist
in my mind i can find the seeds of the future
could i be crueller
to a mother whose nurture
allowed me to be?
4 billion years of preparation,
prudence and emulation
to produce me
how i long to see
the earth as she used to be:
untamed and free
but as in radioactivity
the daughter overcomes the parent eventually
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every day
i can hear the poetry
in the trees
the wind
passes between the leaves;
each forest an orchestra
performing just for me
over time i have learned many songs
on occasion, i can sing along
but everywhere i go, the instruments are unique
from the ocean’s edge to earth’s highest peaks
the beauty of evolution
is its convolution,
its desire for progress...
but i digress
because evolution is a process
not an entity
i always forget
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no robot parts
can replace a heart
but evolution is a dying art;
technology grows exponentially
yet i know, still
that nature reigns supreme:
she created me
her most finely tuned machine
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me :iconjanetpants:janetpants 2 0
me, the machine
can be thought of
as an economic calculation
one with a mathematical equation
as its defining parameter;
a cost-benefit analysis
of (our) future existence
but the problem with empiricism
is that it ignores human experience
assigning concrete values
to qualitative matters
(the latter
as fickle as the wind)
and yet,
science is an accepted practice
for coming to quantitative conclusions
is empathy
but a human construction?
i've heard
that philosophers once ruled the world
maybe that was a better time
without the delineation of data
constantly on the mind
i can't stop crunching numbers
i find myself growing number,
my algorithm wearing thin
statistics drive the sensational world
knowledge defined by the terms
of the 'laws' of science
but what about the imperceptible?
very much alive, just out of reach
i wish i could meet
me, the machine
a perfect balance between
rationale and sanity
but that's not me,
not she
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history forgets the losers,
smothering them within her pages
because the words of winners
demand permanence;
their voices are louder
than those of the dead
get out of my head,
she says,
her cheeks kissed with red
but how can an angel
break my heart?
i knew of the danger
from the start -
that's what drew me in.
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far away
my father, time
and my mother, nature
the moon and sea my sisters
the earth below me,
my creator
how could i ever
feel any hate for
the human creatures
i call my kin?
none free from sin
perfect to me
or for the beautiful landscapes
that unfold before me,
nurturing me with their beauty
astounding me in a way
that only the curves of this world
i should
is my phrase of today
because it's easy
to idealize a fantastic future
in which i have attained utmost success
but to heed the fallen
is what i've learned
though i yearn
to make mistakes
there's so much i can't face
but i have no regrets
this life has allowed me
to sow the seeds of my dreams
to carefully choose
what i want to achieve
and understand
sometimes i can
and others, i can't
maybe i ought to consider
the eternal winter
that calls to me,
begging me not to flee
come, she says,
i escaped this year
summer draws ever near,
life emerging where once it was not
i wish
i could express myself in a proper key
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past and present
the forest carries
the scent of fall:
detritus, mud and moss
i fill my lungs with the fragrant air;
the breeze tugs at my hair
the summer slips by so fleetingly,
careless days spent beneath the trees
i can't imagine where i'd rather be
than at one with this nature that surrounds me
my mother's whispers, in the passing weeks
have grown louder each day, i can hear her speak
but her stories mean nothing to me yet,
her language i can't quite comprehend
because instead of with words, she speaks in song
carried through the canopy and passed along
from flora to fauna, plant to man
if only i could understand
for the secrets that find themselves lost in translation
could one day, perhaps, end my hesitation;
these symbols speak only of my mother's adoration
toward the creatures i call my kin
perhaps nature is indifferent
and death, merely a testament
to a beautiful life lived:
if only humanity could see this
but instead, each day, we pillage the land
destroying everything beneath our hands
my mo
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there hasn't been much happening inside my head
maybe that means i'm happy
or maybe,
just content
but i never envisioned myself existing like this
i'm surrounded by mediocrity,
and the rule of averages
exacerbates me;
i keep waiting for a moment
of complete and total clarity
yet those glimpses into the future
have all but vanished now
and this uncertainty is becoming
harder to wrap my mind around;
into the ground i'll go
shackled by life's throes
bound by doubts and regrets
now relegated to my head
i used to be so vibrant
alive, not afraid to try this
now i am a shell
trapped in a sort of hell:
apathy will be the death of me
and i'll never even know it.
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fast forward
cicadas sing in the trees,
signalling summer
preceding a heatwave;
their humming reminds me
of a childhood long gone:
days by the pool,
once released for the season
from elementary school
i'm becoming aware
of my position in society
i know now that what is true to me
i only believe because of my upbringing
and, each day, my existence helps to shape
the culture around me
if only minutely
who is to say
that my way of life is the best one?
that this path i've chosen
will lead me to greatness?
(if only i could break this mold
i've been placed in)
or maybe i'm just lucky
to have been born when i was,
my lifeforce entering this body
at the second of conception
i've been so much luckier than most
this host
has enabled me to succeed
even though my path
has been plagued with misdeeds
but life is what you make it
strife, and the times of faking it
i won't survive
(won't make it out alive)
but that notion doesn't frighten me
if anything, it has enlightened me
and enliven
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Artist | Hobbyist | Photography
a testament to the fact that everything happens for a reason.

Current Residence: ontario


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lemontea Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2015
Yep, same here. Just taking it easy. Anything new since August?
janetpants Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2015  Hobbyist Photographer
hey! not much ~
lemontea Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2015
Aloha! What's up?
oldmacman Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2014
Haha, thanks. I was hoping someone would hire me to someplace tropical. Vitamin D is so... practical lol.
PunkBunny84 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013
Oi oi and happy happy! Hope you have a kick ass day and what nots.....
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